my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
