I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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