sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
