Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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