You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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