some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
