I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
