Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
