So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
