How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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