New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
