You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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