she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
