Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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