Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you win again, gameday.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
