You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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