Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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