Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
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She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
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I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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