I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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