That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
