If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
