Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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