well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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