meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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