Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
