Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
