Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
