my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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