Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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