i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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