So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
