From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
