Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
