we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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