sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
