so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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