i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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