My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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