So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
