he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
