none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
