He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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