i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
