There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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