Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
