try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
