I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
There's even glitter on my cock...
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