areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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