I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
