i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
