Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??