I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé