A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.