i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
