I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
