Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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