he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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