What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
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He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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