I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
