Betty ford says i'm here all night
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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