Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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