Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
