Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
