He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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