chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
