And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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