Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she told me i tasted like america
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
