she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
