ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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