My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
