C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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