im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
