Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
