I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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