you would pick up someone in the library
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
