Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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