i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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