I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So I just went to clothing optional bar
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
