after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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